I Can’t Find the Words

Today our youngest son was finally able to start using an insulin pump! While things will by no means become simple, it’s an answer to a prayer of ours, and a culmination of many months of worries, fears, victories, and tears.

I don’t know how many emotions I’ve buried from these last six months of our life. I can’t adequately express them all, for they feel far too knotted up and scattered inside of me. 

Perhaps, you too, have tangles of feelings from whatever you’ve been walking through. Maybe you can’t find the words- whether you might be in sorrow, or in joy. The good news is, we don’t have to always find the words. Our Lord knows them better than we do. His Spirit knows our praise, our longings, and our fears- and he knows them so well, he prays for us on our behalf (Rom. 8:26). 

Today I can’t find words to adequately display the Lord’s steadfast faithfulness. Today, I can only write this instead.  

I couldn’t find words;
The cries of my son drowned them out.
The shock of a diagnosis-
Of needles, numbers, and blood draws

Later I couldn’t find tears;
The routines of life forced them aside.
Responsibilities continue-
Of cooking, washing, and teaching

At times I couldn’t find hope;
The dark days blinded out its light.
Despair set in-
Of questions, doubts, and worry

But sometimes-

Sometimes I can’t even find praise;
The joy filling my soul steals every syllable from my tongue.
I understand God’s presence has been constant-
Of comfort, faithful strength, and peace.

I can’t find the words,
But I feel them race throughout my whole body.
My Shepherd’s hand reveals his heart-
Of kindness, goodness, and steadfast love. 

Bless the Lord, O my soul!
Praise the Lord!